I’ve been noticing a trend emerging in the bogan baby name underworld in the past year: made-up monikers seem to be overtaking misspelt ones (though there are still plenty of those too).
No longer content with butchering the spelling of regular names, Aussie parents are going back to the drawing board to invent brand-spanking-new horrors for their offspring.
Just add a wolf cut. (That’s the new mullet. Google it and prepare to be horrified), Kidspot reports.
For more stories like this, go to kidspot.com.au
Best bogan names for girls
Brexleigh
Spelling out the “eigh” sound (which is a new trend as you’ll see below) seems like a ploy to make this made-up name look more legit, but it just gives me a headache. There’s an angry red squiggle under it in my Google doc — even the bots don’t like it.
Iveighsee
Parentals are taking one of the simplest names out there – Ivy – and mangling it beyond recognition. What’s next – Brodeigh? Jimeigh?! I can’t.
Juul
Juul is originally a beautiful Dutch name meaning “youthful”, but some parents are bestowing it on their innocent children as a nod to the … wait for it… vape brand. Aw, hell no.
Kardi
Everyone and their neighbours are naming their babies after rapper Cardi B – which FYI is short for Bacardi. Throw in a K for a random spelling twist and all your bogan dreams will come true.
Kior
Karen LOVES the fake Dior handbag she bought in Thailand and her beloved staffie’s name is Kiki, so it just makes sense for her to call her daughter Kior! Three K’s just like the Kardashians…
Maevery
I love a good old bogan mash-up! Irish classic Maeve + trendy Avery = bogan gem Maevery.
Miraccle
According to the US Social Security Administration, ELEVEN American babies were given this name with this exact spelling in 2016. I know my data is a little dusty, but I couldn’t let this beaut slip through the cracks.
Resilia
Kids have had to be resilient due to the global pandemic. Resilient… Resilia. SO BASIC. Next.
Salmon
Oh, dear. Next is actually worse. SALMON? Really?! I have no words, people, no words. Only beady eyes and a judgy fin.
Samanda
In the history of horrible mash-up names, only my all-time favourite VEJONICA (Veronica + John) beats this. Samantha + Amanda do not a good name make. Please try again.
Best bogan names for boys
Brave
This is alllllmost as basic as Resilia and a tad more irritating. It’s not only annoying for the general public, but also for the kid who has to live up to it. No one is happy. Legal name changes are possible.
Draven
Draven is both an English rock band and a League of Legends character, but not a human boy. Spare him a lifetime of misery, I beg of you!
Draxler
Probably inspired by German soccer star Julian Draxler, this fresh level of bogan hell is sure to be shortened to Drax. *Shudder*
Kashdon
Kash wasn’t bogan enough for some parents who felt the need to up the ante and tack on the uber-bogan “-on” at the end. I wouldn’t be able to say this with a straight face.
Knoxlee
Well, at least they didn’t try to fancy it up by spelling it Knoxleigh, but that’s me digging really deep to find any redeeming qualities for this name. Also, is it pronounced Knox-LEE or KNOX-ley? Meh, who cares.
Ledgen
Want to let the world know you think your child is a dead-set legend without sounding cocky about it? This letter scramble will throw them off the scent for sure!
Maxon
Ugh, you had Maximilian, Maxwell or just plain Max to choose from but noooooooooo… you had to make up your own special name. Trust me, everyone will prefer to call him Max.
Roar
Time to update your bogan software – Bear, Tygyr and Foxx are out and straight-up animal grunts are in. Other contenders include Cacaw, Meow and Bekerk.
Zaiken
This poor kid is never gonna find a mug or door sign with his name on it at the newsagent. I’ve been wondering how those companies are still in business these days with no two children having the same name… except maybe all the Charlottes and Olivers.
More Coverage
Zinc
If I mention putting zinc on my kids’ noses on a sunny day, they lose their minds. “NOOOO, NOT ZINC! I HAAAATE ZIIIINC!” Seems a bit unfair to give this name to a child.
This article originally appeared on Kidspot and was reproduced with permission
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